You’ve just churned your first pat of butter and you’re proud of yourself. You pull out a loaf of bread and a knife and you can feel the adrenaline building up. You try to cut the bread…
And you make some breadcrumbs. Not only have you wasted your entire loaf of bread, but you can’t figure out a way to make buttered bread. This update proposal helps to remedy the situation by adding more food that just seems logical.
Let’s start with the buttered bread mentioned in the start of this post. 38 cooking is required to churn butter, so I see no problem with also having the knowledge of how to correctly slice bread by then. Ten experience points would be given for buttering sliced bread, which must be done in a single step. Buttered bread is a members-only item as butter is already only available to members. Buttered bread would heal 60 lifepoints and restore 5-10% of a player’s run energy. It must be eaten while resting.
That’s right, only while resting. It doesn’t make sense that a person can eat an entire lobster in 1.8 seconds while being punched in the face. Instead of changing the mechanics of existing food, it’s better to add new, better food that makes more sense. I mean, other games do it.
To add to the buttered bread, a mortar and pestle can be used with a slice of cheese to make cream cheese. This can also be spread on bread at level 48 with a 75 lifepoint, 7-15% run energy restoration, again, only while resting.
But let’s move away from bread. I hear people like cake. But there are only two flavors right now: chocolate and not chocolate. There are strawberries, lemons, pineapples, pickaxes, and bananas. But we can’t put them in cakes! Not that I would want to eat a pickaxe flavored cake, but COME ON!
Instead of adding the ingredients after the cake is already baked and somehow trying to have them soak through the entire cake – I’m talking to you, not-not-chocolate cake – any sensible chef would add the flavor before the cake is baked for 2.4 seconds. Strawberry, lemon, and pineapple cake would be members-only, while banana cake would be available to anyone.
Once again, resting is required to eat the new food. Here are the bonuses for each cake:
- Banana cake would require level 45 cooking, give 200 experience, and heal 45 lifepoints per bite.
- Lemon cake would require level 60 cooking, give 240 experience, and heal 65 lifepoints per bite.
- Pineapple cake would require level 70 cooking, give 250 experience, and heal 80 lifepoints per bite.
- Strawberry cake would require level 80 cooking, give 260 experience, and heal 90 lifepoints per bite.
- Pickaxe cake wouldn’t exist because that would be stupid.
Did somebody say cheesecake? No? Well, I’ll pretend you did. Cheesecake would be made by adding cream cheese (see above) to cake batter, cooking it, and then optionally adding a topping. Cheesecakes would be eaten in two bites instead of three. In no particular order, bananas, lemons, apples, strawberries, pineapples, cabbages, redberries, oranges, limes, and grapes could be used as toppings.
I’m not going to bother making up levels, experience, and healing for all of these, but you can pretend I did and just make up your own. I will, however, say that cheesecakes restore stats (other than prayer and summoning) and have a chance of curing poison.