Top five reasons why nobody wants to play your Alien Swarm map

Reason One: TileGen

TileGen is a wonderful technology. It allows mappers to make and release a single set of tiles which can be transformed by the game into any number of playable maps. Sometimes, they’re very fun! In fact, I’d probably have fun playing with a good TileGen set.

The problem is that you probably didn’t make the TileGen set. You probably didn’t even try to find one that not many people have seen. You used the one that comes with Alien Swarm.

No, you say, the map wasn’t created using TileGen! You used Hammer to edit it!

Adding aliens to a map does not make it fun, especially if I’ve already played your map before you started making it.

But you didn’t just add aliens! You added new objectives, like going to random rooms and beating up shieldbugs that somehow came out of dresser drawers!

It doesn’t matter. Your map isn’t worth playing if you used 90% of someone else’s work, which brings me to my next point:

Reason Two: But I Added Stuff!

Yeah, so what? I don’t want to play Landing Bay with extra crap dropped on it. If you didn’t make the whole map (or you and your friends didn’t make the whole map) then it’s not something you should release.

Reason Three: it’s a box with stuff in it.

Although it has now been taken down by its author, there was an infamous map in the Swarm Armory veteran community known only as “my firist map“. It consisted of a box with orange walls, a floor labeled “wall”, exactly seventy identical single-use drone spawners, five identical shieldbug spawners, and some assault rifle ammunition.

Whereas Landing Bay had rooms upon rooms of interesting environments, my firist map contained only one room. And no gameplay.

Reason Four: You made a really crappy description page for it.

It’s really hard to get your entire map into a one paragraph summary, but there are certainly a few incredibly wrong ways to do so. Take this hypothetical map description for example:

hi i maek map and i think thers stuf in it but im not sure if ii uploded the rite file but its reely fun i meen i playd it wiftfhth my frends end thay sed that it was fun thers sum bad guise i think there spit hurts you

Now I have to go outside and scream.

Reason Five: It’s a really bad survival map

I can’t even count the number of times that I’ve seen people try to release maps where the primary objective is “kill 250 drones” and the secondary objectives are “kill 250 more drones”, “kill a drone”, and “step on the exit button”.

Or even worse, you didn’t even put an objective in the map. I’m stuck playing your map until Alien Swarm crashes or the power goes out!

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About Ben L.

Ben L. runs pretty much everything around here. He definitely does not live in Zamboni. That isn't a place, so you probably have the wrong name. Please do more research before asking these strange questions.